Endings are tricky things. I have experienced some endings when I drove off into the sunset feeling totally at peace with the situation. And sometimes that doesn't happen. Yesterday was supposed to be one of those beautiful endings. It was supposed to be filled with laughter, sunshine, and happy memories- but that's not how it worked out. Maybe it was God's way of giving me peace in my decision to leave. I don't think so, or I wouldn't be sitting here trying to put into words what I'm feeling. I found out some really troubling news about a few of my students. Here's the deal, I know kids aren't perfect and they make mistakes. I know this. I make mistakes, and because our God is big enough, he takes our mistakes and makes them into beautiful masterpieces. But today if I was the crying type, I would have cried. A lot. You see when I see my kids sinning, which equals hurting, I cry. I weep. And I know that it isn't the first time, and I know it won't be the last. Sometimes I wish I could just run in a room away from all the hurt and disappointment, but then reality tells me that won't work. And instead of crying, since I'm not a cryer, I internally weep.
We're singing this song on Sunday called How He Loves. It is beautiful and simple and sweet. He loves us. So much. And I got to thinking about how I feel right now and I realized that what I am experiencing is just a fraction, a minute, minuscule, feeling of what God feels when He looks at us in our sin and pain. He weeps. He created us and yet we turn away from Him and turn to sin that only hurts us more. He criesbecause He is hear among us and wants for us to follow Him and lay down our sin at the feet of His Son that gave away His life for us. He looks at the poor, sick, angry, selfish, lonely people we have become and He cries out- "You don't have to live this way! Pick up your cross and follow me!"
Oh God I know you love us so, and you weep when we sin. Lord I confess my sins to You. I want to follow You. I want to walk with You. I want so desperately to be less and less and You to be more and more. I want to speak your truth and show others Your grace. Father I want to weep when you weep and rejoice when you rejoice.
Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)
17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."